you don't want a conversation. im tired of pretending.
what you want is obedient confirmation bias.
you will narrate something to me and expect me to agree to everything you say. there can't be any nuances, or even slightly differing opinion. Any and all opinion that doesn't reflect your points or confirm your perception is automatically a ticket for aggression and attacks from you. in what country is this a "conversation" .
even when im not picking sides and just info dumping on what i heard to update your perception of someone, its automatically picking sides.
its either utter obedience or punishment. and how do you punish? accuse me and label me as much and as low as you can just to get a rise out of me, and then confirm to yourself that i am the abusive one and the one who labels.
if i decide to remain silent, I get scolded. if I talk I get scolded. if I respond minimally, I get scolded.
no matter what I do, Its never enough for you.
i was sick with flu and I brought you out over the weekend / picked you and your pal up from southkey, and i come back to "you don't love me" and "you don't care".
want me to pay for shoes but won't allow me to earn money for it.
are these accusations? is it ickky to hear these from me? am I being abusive right now?
the person who needs to stop lying is not me.
I want a loving and supportive relationship. but sadly im married to someone who sees support as submission.
you were right in your comparison between our relationship with your mother and step-father.
you have slowly evolved yourself to be her adjacent.
you are angry? I am the person who needs to face the fire. My job is non-consequential to you. if i got a job, im a workaholic, if i don't, Im an unreliable person.
so much, I've been keeping it all in not wanting to repeat that infamous Saturday.
you want annulment? pay for the whole thing and i'll sign the papers. I give up in trying to make you see that I am not yours to abuse verbally.
I have never been with someone who makes me want to kill myself so much as you have made me feel.
And you are supposed to be a model psychologist that champions for mental health while you yourself live in denials and delusions of how perfect of a human being you are and how you are never at fault. reminds you of your PD mum doesn't it? it should. because you are slowly getting there yourself.
