Dear Diary, do you know what grinds my gear? #2

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone tells me there's an open door policy and I have to take opportunity when presented with one to tell them whatever I need to tell them and then shit all over me when I do.

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone tells me/complains to me about something I have no idea about and I can't tell them they are complaining to the wrong person / choose my words extremely carefully because the person complaining to me is a hypersensitive prick who only knows how to throw tantrum and emotion dump on the person they talk to, refusing to act like an adult and acknowledge their own fault in being in that situation, learn and grow from it and move the fuck on rather than continuously whine bitch and moan about something that has already happened. 

You know what grinds my gears? 

When someone just constantly tries to find excuse to get mad at me, no matter how much I try to avoid an argument and sustain peace.

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone looks at others and judge them but can't fucking see that they too act like a complete moron who doesn't have a lick of self awareness.

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone doesn't take accountability over a situation that they were fully in control of and fucked it up but constantly blames others for it as if they had no part to play in it.

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone don't practice what they preach.

You know what grinds my gears?

When someone doesn't have a lick of gratitude or even acknowledge the weight someone else carries on their shoulder and only thinks about themselves and their own problems as if the whole world is not suffering, only they suffer.

You know what grinds my gears? 

When someone constantly claims others are doing to them something they project but in reality, they are the one who does it the most.

You know what grinds my gears?

My lack of guts to just cancel this whole ordeal while I'm ahead and not suffer for the rest of my life.

You know what grinds my gears?

The fact that I actually take this person seriously when they have not even once proven to me that they are worth being taken seriously.

Dear Diary, do you know what grinds my gears?

 You know what grinds my gears?

when someone self inserts themselves into problems that doesn't involve them and then make make a fuss about it when someone calls them out on it. 

you know what grinds my gears?

when they lack the self awareness (Due to upbringing/doesn't care about how their attitude comes across to others/overall a sociopath) to just stop and re-access the situation for a moment before continuing to run their mouth.

you know what grinds my gears? 

when they just constantly crosses your values in the guise of communication and then gets upset when the other party responds to their shitty take. 

you know what grinds my gears? 

when you don't even realize that you have done something wrong and expect the other party to apologize and kiss your ass just to validate your feelings. 

you know what grinds my gears? 

when someone can provide safe space to everyone but me. 

Untitled letter #3 - Regrets

Hey there...
How have you been ? 
I didn't mean to write to you so often, so I hope it doesn't annoy you too much ...

I'll try to refrain from writing often yea ?

Untitled letter #2 - for the lost souls

Hey there,
I hope you have been doing well...
How has the nights been treating you?
I hope it has not been too harsh..
I hope you catch a break from all the loneliness ..
I hope you catch a break from all the regrets ..

I hope you catch a break from all the sorrow ..

Hey,
Chin up ...
I know it's tough ...
It is suffocating for sure ...

Untitled Letter to whomever reading this

Hey...
It's been so long since I posted anything.
How have you been ? 
Have you been busy ?
I do hope you are taking care of yourself.

Personal wellbeing is important, so please take some time to stop and breathe.

Breathing is important.

I've been on a downwards spiral.

Nothing is ever what it seems.

Therapy doesn't seem to be helping either.

End Of The Journey

Resistance.
Slowly as he regained his conscience,
All he felt was resistance ..
Resistance !
Move! He screamed.
To whom? 

Darkness engulfed his sight,

Shackles of distraught snaring him further down.

Magma-like liquid assaults his lungs,

Voiceless rasp is all he could utter.

No noise to be heard...

Is this the end ?

All he felt was hopelessness..

What brought on this fate upon him?

Who's sin was he forced to bear?

Why was this the ending to his story?

Questions were all he had.

What was he fighting for ? 

Who led to his demise?

Why was he drowning?

Questions were all he had.

What was there left?

Who's was to blame?

Why was there no one to save him?

Questions were all he had.

And as he drew his last breath...

Questions were all he was left with.

And with one final gasp, his candle extinguishes.

The end.

This will be my final poem to this world. 

It had been a wonderfully bitter sweet journey with just my thoughts being poured into either spoken word form or poem. I ... Think I'll end it here. 

Once again, thank you.

Lonely Wanderer

 Lonely wanderer, 

Destination unknown, 

Tightened his embrace upon himself,

His shuddering breath,

Slowly materializes as he exhales,

Yet dispersing in urgency,

As the cold dry air assaults his lungs,

Whisper of the Breathless

Jealous, indeed I am..
Every breath taken away from me,
Stolen by her;
Stolen by the heavenly her,
A conspiracy concocted against me,
Beginning from dusk,
Ending at dawn,
Leaving me breathless,

Purgatory🔗Darkness

The frigid canvas brings ardor,

Why does it do so?

A warm shower feels cold,

Why does it feel so?

The night zephyr carries comfort,

Why does it appear so?

Why ?

Tribunal of Life - Ghost

A forceful change, 

desired by none.. 

Treason,

Brought forth by thy sun.. 

Destruction, 

Invoked in the name of dishonor... 

Desolution,

Left to decay; the darkness to devour...

Somersby Night

 Days, Months, years, 

As if it wears on briskly,

yet...

Hours, minutes, seconds,

Crawls away slowly,

As I lay on my mattress,

my thoughts wonders,

How did this came to be?

Delivered - From the Abyss

Forsaken, i was floating. 
In the ocean of melancholy ,
Flown by the will of abyss,
Rudderless, I laid, 
Awaiting the verdict, 
My fate.

The judge, eternal darkness,
Mighty and relentless,
Bore through my anima, 
Judging... Judging... 

Doubt assulted my consciousness, 
For the little spectre of hope held, 

Paragon Seraph

Paragon seraph's Behest,
And as such your patron,
To illustrate you through my eyes.
Can I uphold justice to your perfection,
Never, for words hath not inherited,
ponderousness of your nobility,
To describe the the seraphim herself,
Where shall I begin?
A goddess incarnate?
An enchantress of the night?

Soulless

Soulless.

For she have abhorred my presence, 

For she have coil my serenity,

For she have left my intuition intpinse.

Forsaken by her.

Spoken words : Diabolic Temptress

So uh, Not a poem, but more of a "spoken words" -esque thingy that I wrote down because a happy Logen's thoughts have gotten past annoying to downright frightening and hopefully writing this will pour all the excessive happiness & romance out of me and I can go back to being a bitter bastard. 

Living Colours : Memories

Memories, fond memories.
As I reminiscence and scavenge,
Through a vast ocean of blur clutters of shards,
Shards emitting a fading glow.
One by one, they flash before my eyes,

Hope - Through His Eyes

Hope,

What his soul grasped onto ..

A hope for a new tomorrow,

For a new beginning,

Hope,

To ease the loneliness,

To make him whole again.

Hope,

What he saw in her eyes,

What he needed to survive,

The harsh winter of solitude,

Or his withering happiness in autumn.

Songs of You

The songs you adore when heard by me.
Tears me apart, From the inside.
As it strenuously instills the thoughts of you,
Into my pathetically weakened mind.
A little you running rampantly,

The Deep infinite

The deafening silence,

The calm water's wavering melody,
The dark depth of never ending..
The hidden threat unseen by eyes,
Cowardly hidden,
Deep in the infinity known as ocean..
The ironic resemblance to the love we crave,
The embrace of the one we desire,
As accepting as the ocean to all our wills,
the Ocean,
Calm and accepting ..
A vast and never ending freeway of nothingness,
But as resemblance to love we wish to aquire,
The ocean , as vengeful and cold as she can be,
The calm and collected surface,
When tormented,
Turns to violence as only she can..
As does love,
When not treated well,
Could strike our heart,
By the blink of an eye,
Once loving and warm love,
Decimates the core of our soul..
The heart that once wished to only accept the good..
The kiss of doom from devastation,
To all that we built from love..
Leaving us rendered , loveless ..
The man who once loved..
Who now holds only the memory..
The memory of she, who he once loved ..
The emotions that she,
Who once was his had left him ..
The void left in his soul,
She who once filled with her embrace..
He, the man ..
Like the land the sea vanquished,
Now a deserted wasteland of nothingness ...

Look into his eyes ..
The man who once lived and loved ..
Now dead and lifeless...
Look into his eyes ..
He who wishes the warmth ..
Now not deserving of his desires ...
Not worthy ..
Thats the man who once loved ...
Not worthy.

"The Ocean can be loving and providing ..but the flipside of the ocean, once do her wrong and the re precautions are fatal ... so how is the ocean not similar to love?"

Treachery : Bitter Heart

There I stood,

Aware and alive..

In clear sight of her distorting eyes,

Her voice uninterrupted by burst of breeze,

Chilling gust of November,

The deception in her tone,

Pummeled me persistently...

As one of her countless twisted lies,

Rollicked away from her luscious lips,

Carried by the brisk air,

Danced into my ears,

Slicing what left of my battered conscious...