Mask of illusion

A mask you wear,
it hurts the most,
a mask full of unreality,
fake emotions everywhere,
"do you find it interesting?"
pulling me into your world,
and discarding me away,
its a routine,
i fool i am ,
failure who can't forget,
can't forgive the cracks in my own world ..
there used to be more to you,
all that's left is uncertainty..
do i get to blame?
or do i suffer ,
bury all deep withing my tattered heart..
that's all left in my soul,
emotions ...
there are solutions?
are there any reality?
is this me ?

RESOLUTION for PEACE

" tears rolls down like razor blade,
  no its not yours to blame,
  its me..
  or is it you ...? "

every second in my past,
every moments in my present,
every day in my future,
predictable?

"i'll breathe till my last moment"

 thats all i can say,
not predictable at all,
but tears never lie,
indications of sorrow,
predicts brighter future
or the merciless sorrow,
flowing your tired pale skin.
tired of living,
afraid of emotions ,
love is no longer a solution ...
it is the source of the torture
the only resolution

"BLEED"

for every memories ,
for every moments scarred me,
worth nothing but my blood,
warm stream,
red river,
bleed till my tears run out,
bleed till you feel lighter,
no remorse..
no love..
i'm just someone who deserves it,
just like someone,
death welcomes us to eternal peace ...

DISTRESS FEELING

this feeling ....

excruciating displeasure i feel ..

the torturing truth it brings,

feeding on my misery,

fueling on my darkness,

deceived by the fade,

the illusions ..

what everyone would kill to gain,

something I'd kill to loose,

why do you indicate ,

the dark fate stalking me,

let me live in denial ..

never show me ..

i want to feel emotions ,

i don't want to be emotionless,

till the day i die,

the best memories i had,

locked away,

the distress it gives ,

I just want to die,

to lie on the bed of eternal sleep,

I don't want to feel this anymore,

no more pain,

no more suffering,

no more hope,

no more love ,

no more ..

NO MORE ....

Ignored - emonation

Ignored

Bricks by bricks …

Building hope and trust ..

Within you …

Promises after promises ..

I made to build trust..

Broken down..

Ignored ..

By the one who gave me hope to change..

I deserve it ..

No one could read what runs on my mind

Then can interpret …

All they can do is interpret…

I want to change ..

For the better …

But its no longer about me is it …

rectitude is something no one would believe ..

I made it this way…

misstep .. simple misstep was all I needed …

no one understands ..

I can’t blame anyone for what I became ..

An emotionless traveler …

All I am is not worth anything ..

All I am is ..

IGNORED …

200 HITS !!

2OO FRIENDS !!! WHOOOO !!

EMOTIONLESS

all i ever do is a mistake to you ,
how can someone be this blur ,
not bothered ?
such a wonderful expression..
did i never ask you what you want?
did you ever opened up to me?
did you ever thought of your mistakes?
did you ever asked me what is bothering me ?
i know i did ...
did i ever told you what i dislike?
did i ever not try to make you happy?
did i ever told you i'm hurting because of you?
did you ever tried to think what is the source of the "mistakes" i make?
im the one to blame?
im the one to be ignored ?
once there were love and friendship between us,
friendship vanished long time ago,
love fading away day by day ...
you canstart a conversation with anyone,
but you can't talk with me ?
what am i? an emotionless container?
maybe i was , mabe i changed,
not for better ,
i see that now ...
emotionless creep is all i'll ever be..
i tolerated a lot of major issues..
you couldn't tolerate a small crack in the mirror?
i'm not comparing ...
i'm stating the fact ....
if this isn't clear ...
HAIZ ... that's all i can say ...
how you make me happy and frustrated at the same time...
EMOTIONLESS

Quotes of the week

Didn't Even Thought Of Exploring The World Behind My Wall ? ... Won't YOU Take A Look ...? Maybe YOU'LL Understand Someday ... I'll Take The Blame For Now ....

遗憾 ...沉默...黑暗...无情...这就是我...以为我能微笑 ...我想你已证明我错了... (... Silent ... Dark ... Emotionless ... This Is Who I Am ... Thought I Could Smile Without Regret ... I Guess I'm Proven Wrong ... )

 

 

humanoid = NOVIN ( human + paranoid )

 

THE INVISIBLE WALL

click on the picture for larger image

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe


CHECH IT OUT .... Xbangga !!

TRIED

PHOTOS BY ME

Questions in my mind

Questions in my mind

A lot has happened … hasn’t it …?

It gave me a lot of time to think … I wanted to solve problems

But end up getting more questions …

why do we fall in love … 
what is love … 
what do an individual look for in a relationship …I know my answer for that last question … 
why do I look for comfort … 
y do I make decision rationally and not based on emotions … 
wouldn’t it be fun if I didn’t know what I’m going through … or might go through … 
why did I have to gain this much information and experience in a young age … I’m freakin 16 years old...
Why do a person make mistake … 
why look for temporary comfort … 
why fake an emotion … 
 why strike someone down with simple yet crucial words …
why do we tend to let our guard down … 
why can’t I be immune to sorrow … 
why can’t anyone be immune to sorrow … 
why won’t they listen …. 
When there is a simple way to deal with problems but they choose the hard way … 
why is reality cruel … 
why can’t reality have a good side …
is it because we only witness the bad part of reality and not the good part …? 
Why can’t karma leave us alone? You break other’s heart … you tend to get heart broken 10x the emotional break down you gave to the others … 
why get distracted when we get so far and so close … 
why is love or comfort so fragile ...
is love like snow, where someday it melts ...
why DO I EXIST ?

questions … wanted to solve problems …but end up asking questions …

ME

ME FROM THE PAST ... AND PRESENT ...

Different Pathes and Time's Boundaries

throughout the years ,

i missed many of the memories,

they are fading away,

i can feel it,

all i ever wanted to treasure,

time is cruel,

remembering is impossible ,

when there are boundaries,

two friend's paths collide,

but time wasn't a help,

for we separated as fast as we met,

the time traveler can't lie ,

the good moments,

won't stay in my memories forever,

for im not allowed to exist forever,
how will memories do?

good memories fades away faster then painful memories,

but we make new memories ,

we left many places ,

but we left part of us together with the places we left,

its just the beginning ,

cause i seen many ending ,

and the outcome of the endings,

the traveler's mind thinks wide,

he survives with hope,

for hope alone helps him to be who he is ,

his hope of being reunited with theses places ,

and there people he traveled with,

these people who stopped their travels,

he wishes to relive the moments,

he knows he might be forgotten by his fellow travelers ..

time ... cause of pain and pleasure ..

what does it cause you feel..

DISAPPOINMENT - Time Traveler

disappointment ..

i sense tension in the air

but left with no details

disappointment ..

lived with a lot of mistakes

disappointment ..

loving ... not loved

disappointment ..

life's Armageddon is near

would you be smiling when you know the end might be near if you make a single mistake

do you truly believe you'll be able to rise once again

life never been this critical before ..

i have to make a stance ..

with or without you..

with makes me feel more

it would hurt more without you ..

its your decision ..

who am i to make the decisions for you ?

this is part of the time traveler's life ...

THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

~The fear you ignore the most, Is the fear you will end up trapped in~ Logen Authur Beastly

~Overcoming the truth and moving on with your life needs a strong heart~ Logen Authur Beastly

~people say suicidal people are cowards, but only someone brave can face death and welcome it into life~ Logen Authur Beastly

~tomorrow never comes to you, you go towards your fated tomorrow~ Logen Authur Beastly

~there is no perfect pair, you just meet by coincidence~ Logen Authur Beastly

~when everything stacks up on you and you make mistakes, don’t regret it … just move on … cause the pain is less …~ Logen Authur Beastly

DOTA LAMENESS

EMO VS PEDO RAPER

The Lonely Time traveller

I looked at the sky,
The storm just ended.
Leaving destruction and misery along its path,
I hear cries and mourn of innocents,
While the cruel and evil enjoying their time.
The only comfort they have,
Are they being that’s right beside each other?
I walk through time,
Time after time,
I see the same mortals,
I hear the same human’s cries’
If time doesn’t change the fate,
Who else will?
I walk through time after time,
Winter to falls,
Winter to spring,
I fine no difference in their faces,
Things I witness,
And cruelty I felt,
That they got through together …
Are increasing throughout,
The time I walk through,
Alone without you …

Refuse - Logen Author Beastly

Voice that i used to hear,
the serenade that i feed on ,
disappearing from my existence,
the image of you ,
dragged away from my memories,
It hurts ,
feels as though a spear twisted,
through my soul.


I feel pain ,
I feel guilty,
I feel responsible for my own agony,
I never open up to anyone,
mind filled with insecure,
afraid of the pain it brings ,
when the hopes are shattered.


nothing feels right these days,
flaws after flaws,
tears after tears,
emotionally confused and distracted,
endless days and restless nights,
but no comfort,
the bright light used to see ,
In the end of the tunnel,
Is fading away,
I want it back in my life.


am I going back towards the pitch black realm?
am I going to drown in this sea of merciless darkness?
I don't want to feel alone again,
I'm afraid to go back,
I refuse to go back,
I refuse .....

NEW EMO PIC

I'M STARTING NEW... NOT STARTING ALONE ... IM STARTING WITH MY SIGNIFICANT ONE..

COMFORT

The pieces of heart shattered around me,
Pieces of glass shards lying around...
I looked around for comfort,
The only image i saw was fading away...
I ran after it,
The shards slice through my flesh,
I feel each shard attaching itself to me...
I want to relief myself from this pain...
But if i stop,
I’ll lose my last comfort forever...
I kept running,
My legs are failing me,
Perhaps I’m losing more blood,
I fell on the hard ground,
A sharp pain i felt,
Piercing through my vein,
I wonder who placed them here,
I need relief...
I looked up searching...
Will anyone be there?
To comfort me

LIGHT AFTER THE STORM

LIGHT AFTER THE STORM

The world seem dark,
I’m waiting.
Under the only lamp post,
The sole survivor of the harsh storm,
Standing strong on its own will,
Bringing light to those who need it,
Till the last of its light goes out,
Here i stand,
Waiting for her...
She who brought warmth into my heart,
She who made me feels important,
She who crippled me with fear,
Of falling in love again,
Her smile that heals my pain,
Her dominant kisses that reminds me,
To keep living through the harsh times,
Warmth of her soul,
Scent of her weaving dark hair,
Touch of her smooth bright skin,
Reminding me of,
How i miss her...
How i want her...
How i need her...
HOW I LOVE HER...

A single word disaster

A single word disaster,

For one it’s an endless supply of misery,

For others it’s a token of happiness,

For you it might be everything,

But for me what could it be?

She reaches deep down my worthless soul,

Brought me to light,

And showed me the world,

Beyond the deep ocean of loneliness i drowned in,

The ocean that suffocates the hope out of you,

It has been this way,

Ever since that faithful day,

All i dream of is losing you,

The pain torments me from the bottom of my heart,

This feeling i speak of,

Comes from a disease i suffer,

LOVE...

Rusted chains and distracted ray

Rusted chains and distracted ray

Once again i saw the bright light,
The light that missed my miserable existence,
I was overjoyed to be at its presence once again,
But the light ray seems to be distracted,
I felt happy and yet mold,
At what cost?
The path that leads to future lies ahead,
But i seem to be bound to the past that i took,
Bound by the rusting chain of past,
Will i ever be free to carry on my journey?
Only time will tell..
I know you will be there,
But will i ?

HAVEN'T SLEPT

HELLO.....FELLOW HUMANS OUT THERE....
I just realized something.... I HAVEN'T F**KING SLEPT IN 2 DAYS.....
YEAH ... 2 F**KING DAYS....
i know..i know...you guys probably think that im being fagg whining about it...or how you haven't slept since you were born...BUT LIVE IT THAT...im actually not whining...just bored...
wow...by the way, this is my first ever post about my f**ked up life....sweet...im turning into one of those bloggers ...

I JUST CREATED A NEW FORUM

I was so bored that i created a forum...a forum cant go viral on its own..so i need the viewers help here...PWEEEZE !!!

CLICK HERE TO GO THERE....DONT WORRY...ITS NOT INFECTED WITH ANY VIRUS...

The Script - Live Like We're Dying ( Lyrics + download )

The Script Live Like We're Dying Lyrics:


Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution
there'll no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying

We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
live like we're dying
[Fade out]

download link here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/303261288/Live_like_were_dying.mp3.html

DOTA FOR NOOBS

DUDES OUT THERE..IF U R A NOOB AT DOTA..I GOT JUZ THE THING 4 U ...
IF U FOLLOW THIS..IM SURE PPL WILL THINK U R A PRO EVEN THOUGH U R NOT..
U TOTALLY SHOULD USE TAKNER HEROES LIKE TIDE HUNTER,SKELETON KING, AND MY FAVOURITE HERO " AXE "

BELOW HAV PICTURES OF ME USING THOSE HEROES TO KILL...
REMEMBER THE ITEM THAT I USE...*REMINDER: THE ITEMS ARE NOT A OFFICIAL ITEMS FOR THIS HERO, IF U USE OFFICIAL ITEMS IN A LADDER MATCH OR TOURNAMENT, U'LL TOTALLY GET UR ASS KICKED...TRUST ME..*

1.TIDE HUNTER
- 2 BATTLE FURY ( PERSEVERANCE AT EARLY GAME )
- 1 BLACK KING BAR
- 1 SATANIC ( HELM OF DOMINATOR AT EARLY GAME )
- 1 BOOTS OF TRAVEL ( PHASE BOOT AT THE EARLY GAME )
- VANGUARD ( IMPORTANT FOR TANKERS )
(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)

2.SKELETON KING
- VANGUARD
- BOOTS OF TRAVEL ( PHASE BOOTS AT EARLY GAME )
- SATANIC (HELM OF DOMINATOR AT EARLY GAME )
-HEART OF TRANSSIQUE *I DONNO HOW TO SPELL IT*
-BDK ( BURIZA -SOMETHING -SOMETHING )-*TO INCREASE THE CHANCES AND CRITICAL*
THE LOTHAR EDGE IS JUZ FOR FUN..DON BOTHER BUYING IT..

(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)

NOW MY FAVOURITE ... AXE
ITS REALLY EASY TO USE THIS HERO...
JUZ REMEMBER THESE THINGS...
1. PLAY BACKDOOR CAUSE HE IS A EASY FARMER
2. LEARN TO USE SKILL WITH TIMING
3. BUY A LOT OF ITEM THAT INCREASES HIS LIFE AND STRENGTH

THE ITEMS ARE REALLY EASY..U CAN USE ACCORDING TO WHAT HERO U GOING AGAINST...
AXE
-VANGUARD ( A MUST HAVE ITEM )
-SATANIC ( IF U WANT...BUT I USE IT BACAUSE OF ITS LIFE STEAL ..HELM OF DOMINATOR AT EARLY GAME )
-HEART OF TRANSIQUE ( DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT )
-BDK ( BURIZA-SOMETHING-SOMETHING ) *A NOTE-IF U BUY THIS ITEM, A DIVINE RAPIER IS A MUST..LOOK AT THE CRITICAL POINT DAMAGE *
-DIVINE RAPIER
-BOOTS OF TRAVEL ( PHASE BOOTS AT EARLY GAME )

CHECK OUT THE PICTURES BELOW...

(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)
(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)
(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)
(CLICK on the picture TO VIEW LARGER)


NOTE THAT THIS IS AI BATTLE..SO ITS HARDER TO FIGHT THEM..IF ITS HUMANS, THEY WONT ABANDON THEIR TEAM MATE CAUSE THEY SCARED OF GETTING BOOED..SO ITS HARDER TO KILL AI HEROES CAUSE THE DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THEIR PARTNERS..THEY RUN AWAY AS SOON AS THEY THINK THEY ARE IN DANGER..SO DONT EVEN THINK OF CALLING ME A NOOB...*NOOB*..

emo poem...IS IT POSSIBLE?

IS IT POSSIBLE?

i was worried,
the way others treated you,
i was sure to ive the respect you deserve,
but i guess someone else took my place,
to serve you with love
i serve myself with agony,
is this what i wanted?
love struck me in split seconds,
you never even knew my heart,
as fate broke it,
if you are truely the one that i need,
i'll fight for your trust and love,
will you give me the chance?
the change that i need in my life?
will you share your happiness and your sorrow ?
will you let me love you?
will you love me??

EMO-the cutting,my scars

the cutting,my scars

I always see them
They are always there
like they are taunting me
I cant stop
the cutting, my scars

Its so addicting
I want the hurt to be physical
And make the emotinal stop
I want to scream i want to shout
the cutting,my scars

Why do this to my self
People just dont understand
But i need to escape
To get away
the cutting,my scars

ANIME REVIEW - Please Teacher/onegai teacher

THIS ANIME IS LIKE ABOUT SOME DUDE WITH NERD SPECTACLES WHO HAVE A DESEASE CALLED "STAND STILL" WHICH IS OF COURSE FAKE IN REAL WORLD...MEETS AN ALIEN WHO IS HIS TEACHER...(WTF..ITS ALREADY WEIRD IN THE BEGINNING) SO, HE GOES THROUGH A LOT OF TROUBLE AND END UP GETTING MARRIED TO THAT ALIEN AND PROBLEMS START TO COME ONE BY ONE....(DUDE THAT'S SO WEIRD)
SO HE WILL GO THROUGH A LOT OF SHITS JUZ TO AVOID "STAND STILL" (WEIRD
NAME..ITS LIKE HE IS ASKING SOME THING TO STAND STILL...WHEN IT NEVER MOVE) AND FINDS ONE OF HIS FRIEND HAVE THE SAME DISEASE TO ...SO HE WILL BREAK OFF WITH THE ALIEN TO COUPLE WITH THE GIRL WHO IS FRIEND OF THE PERSON WHO HAS THE DISEASE TOO..TO AVOID HER FROM GETTING ONE (WEIRDER AND WEIRDER IT GETS...THIS IS CO CONFUSING ) "THE DISEASE ATTACKS A PERSON WHEN THE PERSON IS IN STRESS OR OTHER STRESSFUL STUFFS"
AND END UP GETTING ATTACKED HIMSELF..(WHAT AN ASSHOLE ) AND END UP COUPLING WITH THE ALIEN....

THIS IS SO CONFUSING..U JUZ GO WATCH THAT ANIME AND YOU WILL KNOW THE STORY ...

VIEWERS RATING :3 1/2 STARS
RECOMMENDED...

є๓๏ - I loved you so

I loved you so

You played with my emotions like it was a game.
Little do you know things will never be the same,
Tonight i broke down feeling very alone,
Just me and the blade no one else was home,
I called you crying, told u i loved you then hung up the phone,
u raced to my house just a minute to late,
Found me lying in blood my heart had no rate,
you glaced over in tears as you saw my last note,
And this is what i wrote,
"I loved you so you never knew my heart was broke because of you"

є๓๏ - Alone

Alone

all alone
in a world of joy
your all alone
sad and alone
no one see's you
your invisible
they dont care
no one does
your all alone
in a world of pain
and you see nothing
nothing that makes sense to you
everyone around you

є๓๏ - Heartbreak

Heartbreak

show the inside of my mind
dark dead and broken
show the inside of my heart
broken bleeding and gone
no one cares
its all over
love is lost
say no more.....