dance like only we could ...

My solitude

Broken into..
The walls I built..
To shield away my emotions..
Flowing away from me..
Mistakes..
You'll never realize,
The pain ...
The confusion ...
You caused my soul to wonder,
Without a home to return,
So here I am...
Building a wall...
Again to be senselessly broken,
By your words ,
Without any assurance,
Its never the same,
Compare...
All you can do is compare,
Its hurtful properties ,
Nevertheless ...
Walls i build ,
For my existence to live within ,
My own world ,
My solitude ..

DARREN TRIBUTE

poetic version :
a failure,
its all we'll all be,
in the eyes of the world...
they never will realize ,
we are free from chains of burdens...
choices are made without regression...
while the others suffer...
bind by the chain of conscious,
the more burdens they carry,
the more worthless they become..
the illusion they feed on ...
for their own satisfaction,
a process called self retardation ..


original :
some people think that people like us are failures...
what they don't know...
that we can do anything we want...
and they can't...
a bunch of bastards they become...
because of self praising and selfishness...
a process of self retardation ...

Just me

meaning remains same ...
i still am ..
was and will be ..
the boy who who had it all ,
and missed everything ..
with a blink of an eye ...
and took the wrong path...
to learn about life...
and get back to the right path...
but memories remains...
those words ...
drew everything out of me...
my poetic visions..
my rebellious thoughts...
my peaceful mind..
haiz ...
this isn't a poem ..
this is just who i am ...
and what i feel ...

SCRIPTED

scripted ..

for me to learn?

for me to to understand..

for me to make no more mistake?

present ..

is how it was scripted..

hope is all i have ..

blossomed from you ..

withering ..

caused by you ..

you should have been the one..

for me to believe in ..

break my walls ..

rule my world ...

but scripted ..

its all still there ..

how its going to be ..

a future ...

neither you or me can alter ??

pain is all left in this script ..

Beauty Of The Moonlight

The night sky ,

Devours the sadness...

Crawling inside her thoughts..

What she are ,

What she have become,

What does she desire,

Leave out all the thoughts ,

And let her soul be free..

Have a simple dose of wine,

Under the calm night sky,

Melodic music playing,

Her soul soaring through the darkness..

All that's remain in her thoughts are,

Peace and freedom,

Moonlight shinning brightly,

On her tanned skin,

Walking on the sands,

Of the bay on Guantanamo..

I sat my eyes on this magnificent creature..

As pure as her soul is,

As lonely ad i was,

There she stood ..

Her sight captured my eyes,

As I stood there looking at her glimmering figure..

I thought to myself,

What a beauty of the night..

"A beauty of the moonlight"

When you were gone

Tainted soul,
Denied love,
Oo you feel the pain,
I endured all ,
For the only prized possession,
For a loved heart,
You gave me everything,
You taught me to care,
You taught me to love,
But why,
Why did you build the wall,
The wall that separates me from you,
The wall that seperates my world from your heaven,
All thats left is my memories ,
And what was taken away from me ,
Traces of love,
Particles attached to the walls of my heart,
All that belongs to me is this ..
You went away,
Leaving a tattered soul,
To die on the pavement ..

WHY?

lyrics :
where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Break your Heart - Official Video [ Taio Cruz Ft. Ludacris ]

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AWAKE [2005] AND TWIST IN MY STORY [2008]

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Love

c[///_=]c

EXCRUCIATING PAIN

this wasn't my intention

not to play with fire

they would say

why didn't i listen?

 

"EXCRUCIATING PAIN" 

~pain i suffered~

The same pain i lived through,

That faithful day,

Where it all began,

How i was broken to pieces,

How i was abandoned,

I'm not abandoned now,

But why ,

The sorrow and memories,

Haunting me,

I tried to run ..

I tried to hide..

I tried to turn and face the reality..

The fact still remains the same..

Reality brings nothing more then pain..

Relive your past ..

A tale told by a fool..

~Happiness never last long ... do they?~

ENCHANTED ~ 50th poem ...

LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM ?

 

CARE FOR ME ?

~ i knew you could see through me ~

~ i maybe a stranger to you ~

~ but please don't deny ~

~ don't live in denial ~

~ you never understood how beautiful you are ~

~ the purest morning dew ~

~ the clearest night sky ~

~ the finest wine in the world ~

~ the loveliest flower in the universe ~

I fell once again

I fell enchanted

I fell gracefully

For your intoxicating scent

Your glimmering pure skin

Your soft and gentle touch

Your twilight moon eyes

Emotions 

Feelings

Love

Like

Care

Affection

Your purest intentions

I'm yours 

Forever and always ...?

YOUR LAMENESS

so ... if the king of a country is 'your highness" .. what do you call a king of porno ? "your hardness?"

Twilight memories

"how do you simply ask of us to delete or execute something that runs within our blood ?"

wee are one...

with our blood..

the words carved deep on my wrist..

are the symbol of you..

slicing through my heart..

and leaving a untreatable wound..

bleeding for an eternity..

i may run out of blood..

and i may run out of breath ..

but how can i run out of your love..

for it stays deep in memories..

all the memories ..

you and i ..

under the dark peaceful sky...

shinning bright stars..

loving eyes of yours..

memories ...

"how do you ask of us to discard people who are carved deeply in our soul ?"

Walls and breath

suffocating ..

the responsible casted upon me..

without understanding my feelings..

i am complicated myself..

entangled emotions..

i need time ..

straighten my path..

but desperate time..

the spotlight on me..

i had to make a move..

please let me breathe..

i need her in my life..

and yet i want her in my life too..

i have my love in stake..

for my emotions to run wild..

not worth the uneasiness..

need time to breathe..

never want to see you cry..

never want to tell a lie..

i love you ..

i like you..

no one understands ...

darren tribute - a poem

poetic version :
a failure,
its all we'll all be,
in the eyes of the world...
they never will realize ,
we are free from chains of burdens...
choices are made without regression...
while the others suffer...
bind by the chain of conscious,
the more burdens they carry,
the more worthless they become..
the illusion they feed on ...
for their own satisfaction,
a process called self retardation ..


original :
some people think that people like us are failures...
what they don't know...
that we can do anything we want...
and they can't...
a bunch of bastards they become...
because of self praising and selfishness...
a process of self retardation ...

P.O.V - Point Of View

*P.O.V*

no one sees in the male's point of view ..

we are forever assholes for simply no reasons at all ...

cause we are emotionless ...

while the females are full of emotions ...

the world points finger at the male ...

indicating its his fault ...

ripping on him on how he never tried and how heartless he is ...

soon you'll feel much better ...

and point finger at me too ...

it ought to happen ...

I'll smile and say goodbye forever to the world and you ...

for i am invisible to you from now on ...

a creature ...

a creep ..

that's all I'm now ...

 forever and ever ...

peaceful twilight night

the large ocean,

concealed with the pain ,

a world in tears ,

I'm alone ,

floating all alone,

starring at the dark sky,

i feel peace,

its calm and beautiful,

the stars are glimmering,

high above the sky,

i want to hold the stars ,

my raw flesh burning;

the pain reassembles freedom,

captured by it's own fate,

blinded its own destiny,

I'm floating on this ocean,

of tears and sorrow,

i will now drown,

i will find shore,

this is my destiny ...

Invisible

I'll be invisible ... 

blend with the darkness..

creeping within me ... 

a creature of the night ...

that's all I'll ever will be ...

from now on ....

I'll be invisible to you...

no more dead butterflies...

no more emotional distress...

I'm not happy...

yet I'm not sad ..

the world would be your strength...

it never see the effort...

a male put in...

the ways he tries to make things better...

the world blames the male...

never try enough ...

"NEVER"

?? 

that is not the question...

but who would know...

I'm not offended...

I'll stay in the darkness..

where i belong..

wanted to cross to the bright world..

but it was known to every soul..

"TABOO"

that's what it was ...

I'll be invisible to the world ...

VISIBLE SCARS

World’s eyes,

Never listen to them..

Never love to trust..

Never trust to love ..

For love is an illusion..

To trap your heart..

And a simple piece of stone..

Destroys your peace..

And crushes your soul..

Broken pieces of mirror..

You can mend it..

But the scars remain …

Can’t be hidden..

Always visible ..

Always will hurt …

~ emonation ~

EMOTIONLESS SPECIES

Words that would kill me,

I would die before I say,

But I had to stay strong,

The world thinks the other way,

Woman is never wrong,

Won’t look over the curtains...

I’m to blame,

Just like how it always been,

I don’t like it,

But it’s how it had to be,

Someday it would make sense,

I’m not worth the pain...

Cause this is who I'll be,

A stone cold emotionless male species ,

To the world ...

How To Train Your Dragon Widget

The Story Of The Moth

a moth,
not fit to be anywhere,
can't be understood,
won't be understood ,
because of all the friction,
between the thoughts,
couldn't fly higher,
couldn't spread its wings,
without hesitation,
"ugly wings"
they say ...
why?
it asked its maker...
he gave the little ugly moth a reply,
one word revolution,


"IGNORE"

he said ,
why bother responding?
all the world does,
humiliate you ..
insulting you ..
there are beauty within you,
you get it,
you understand...
its enough to get you through ..
all you have ,
2 weeks of life,
death will not disappoint you ,


the maker's words were such a serenade for the moth's ears ...
he knew someday he'll find peace...
so he spread his wings wings ,
proudly ...

and flew away ....

Mask of illusion

A mask you wear,
it hurts the most,
a mask full of unreality,
fake emotions everywhere,
"do you find it interesting?"
pulling me into your world,
and discarding me away,
its a routine,
i fool i am ,
failure who can't forget,
can't forgive the cracks in my own world ..
there used to be more to you,
all that's left is uncertainty..
do i get to blame?
or do i suffer ,
bury all deep withing my tattered heart..
that's all left in my soul,
emotions ...
there are solutions?
are there any reality?
is this me ?

RESOLUTION for PEACE

" tears rolls down like razor blade,
  no its not yours to blame,
  its me..
  or is it you ...? "

every second in my past,
every moments in my present,
every day in my future,
predictable?

"i'll breathe till my last moment"

 thats all i can say,
not predictable at all,
but tears never lie,
indications of sorrow,
predicts brighter future
or the merciless sorrow,
flowing your tired pale skin.
tired of living,
afraid of emotions ,
love is no longer a solution ...
it is the source of the torture
the only resolution

"BLEED"

for every memories ,
for every moments scarred me,
worth nothing but my blood,
warm stream,
red river,
bleed till my tears run out,
bleed till you feel lighter,
no remorse..
no love..
i'm just someone who deserves it,
just like someone,
death welcomes us to eternal peace ...

DISTRESS FEELING

this feeling ....

excruciating displeasure i feel ..

the torturing truth it brings,

feeding on my misery,

fueling on my darkness,

deceived by the fade,

the illusions ..

what everyone would kill to gain,

something I'd kill to loose,

why do you indicate ,

the dark fate stalking me,

let me live in denial ..

never show me ..

i want to feel emotions ,

i don't want to be emotionless,

till the day i die,

the best memories i had,

locked away,

the distress it gives ,

I just want to die,

to lie on the bed of eternal sleep,

I don't want to feel this anymore,

no more pain,

no more suffering,

no more hope,

no more love ,

no more ..

NO MORE ....

Ignored - emonation

Ignored

Bricks by bricks …

Building hope and trust ..

Within you …

Promises after promises ..

I made to build trust..

Broken down..

Ignored ..

By the one who gave me hope to change..

I deserve it ..

No one could read what runs on my mind

Then can interpret …

All they can do is interpret…

I want to change ..

For the better …

But its no longer about me is it …

rectitude is something no one would believe ..

I made it this way…

misstep .. simple misstep was all I needed …

no one understands ..

I can’t blame anyone for what I became ..

An emotionless traveler …

All I am is not worth anything ..

All I am is ..

IGNORED …

200 HITS !!

2OO FRIENDS !!! WHOOOO !!

EMOTIONLESS

all i ever do is a mistake to you ,
how can someone be this blur ,
not bothered ?
such a wonderful expression..
did i never ask you what you want?
did you ever opened up to me?
did you ever thought of your mistakes?
did you ever asked me what is bothering me ?
i know i did ...
did i ever told you what i dislike?
did i ever not try to make you happy?
did i ever told you i'm hurting because of you?
did you ever tried to think what is the source of the "mistakes" i make?
im the one to blame?
im the one to be ignored ?
once there were love and friendship between us,
friendship vanished long time ago,
love fading away day by day ...
you canstart a conversation with anyone,
but you can't talk with me ?
what am i? an emotionless container?
maybe i was , mabe i changed,
not for better ,
i see that now ...
emotionless creep is all i'll ever be..
i tolerated a lot of major issues..
you couldn't tolerate a small crack in the mirror?
i'm not comparing ...
i'm stating the fact ....
if this isn't clear ...
HAIZ ... that's all i can say ...
how you make me happy and frustrated at the same time...
EMOTIONLESS

Quotes of the week

Didn't Even Thought Of Exploring The World Behind My Wall ? ... Won't YOU Take A Look ...? Maybe YOU'LL Understand Someday ... I'll Take The Blame For Now ....

遗憾 ...沉默...黑暗...无情...这就是我...以为我能微笑 ...我想你已证明我错了... (... Silent ... Dark ... Emotionless ... This Is Who I Am ... Thought I Could Smile Without Regret ... I Guess I'm Proven Wrong ... )

 

 

humanoid = NOVIN ( human + paranoid )

 

THE INVISIBLE WALL

click on the picture for larger image

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe


CHECH IT OUT .... Xbangga !!

TRIED

PHOTOS BY ME

Questions in my mind

Questions in my mind

A lot has happened … hasn’t it …?

It gave me a lot of time to think … I wanted to solve problems

But end up getting more questions …

why do we fall in love … 
what is love … 
what do an individual look for in a relationship …I know my answer for that last question … 
why do I look for comfort … 
y do I make decision rationally and not based on emotions … 
wouldn’t it be fun if I didn’t know what I’m going through … or might go through … 
why did I have to gain this much information and experience in a young age … I’m freakin 16 years old...
Why do a person make mistake … 
why look for temporary comfort … 
why fake an emotion … 
 why strike someone down with simple yet crucial words …
why do we tend to let our guard down … 
why can’t I be immune to sorrow … 
why can’t anyone be immune to sorrow … 
why won’t they listen …. 
When there is a simple way to deal with problems but they choose the hard way … 
why is reality cruel … 
why can’t reality have a good side …
is it because we only witness the bad part of reality and not the good part …? 
Why can’t karma leave us alone? You break other’s heart … you tend to get heart broken 10x the emotional break down you gave to the others … 
why get distracted when we get so far and so close … 
why is love or comfort so fragile ...
is love like snow, where someday it melts ...
why DO I EXIST ?

questions … wanted to solve problems …but end up asking questions …

ME

ME FROM THE PAST ... AND PRESENT ...

Different Pathes and Time's Boundaries

throughout the years ,

i missed many of the memories,

they are fading away,

i can feel it,

all i ever wanted to treasure,

time is cruel,

remembering is impossible ,

when there are boundaries,

two friend's paths collide,

but time wasn't a help,

for we separated as fast as we met,

the time traveler can't lie ,

the good moments,

won't stay in my memories forever,

for im not allowed to exist forever,
how will memories do?

good memories fades away faster then painful memories,

but we make new memories ,

we left many places ,

but we left part of us together with the places we left,

its just the beginning ,

cause i seen many ending ,

and the outcome of the endings,

the traveler's mind thinks wide,

he survives with hope,

for hope alone helps him to be who he is ,

his hope of being reunited with theses places ,

and there people he traveled with,

these people who stopped their travels,

he wishes to relive the moments,

he knows he might be forgotten by his fellow travelers ..

time ... cause of pain and pleasure ..

what does it cause you feel..

DISAPPOINMENT - Time Traveler

disappointment ..

i sense tension in the air

but left with no details

disappointment ..

lived with a lot of mistakes

disappointment ..

loving ... not loved

disappointment ..

life's Armageddon is near

would you be smiling when you know the end might be near if you make a single mistake

do you truly believe you'll be able to rise once again

life never been this critical before ..

i have to make a stance ..

with or without you..

with makes me feel more

it would hurt more without you ..

its your decision ..

who am i to make the decisions for you ?

this is part of the time traveler's life ...

THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

~The fear you ignore the most, Is the fear you will end up trapped in~ Logen Authur Beastly

~Overcoming the truth and moving on with your life needs a strong heart~ Logen Authur Beastly

~people say suicidal people are cowards, but only someone brave can face death and welcome it into life~ Logen Authur Beastly

~tomorrow never comes to you, you go towards your fated tomorrow~ Logen Authur Beastly

~there is no perfect pair, you just meet by coincidence~ Logen Authur Beastly

~when everything stacks up on you and you make mistakes, don’t regret it … just move on … cause the pain is less …~ Logen Authur Beastly

DOTA LAMENESS

EMO VS PEDO RAPER

The Lonely Time traveller

I looked at the sky,
The storm just ended.
Leaving destruction and misery along its path,
I hear cries and mourn of innocents,
While the cruel and evil enjoying their time.
The only comfort they have,
Are they being that’s right beside each other?
I walk through time,
Time after time,
I see the same mortals,
I hear the same human’s cries’
If time doesn’t change the fate,
Who else will?
I walk through time after time,
Winter to falls,
Winter to spring,
I fine no difference in their faces,
Things I witness,
And cruelty I felt,
That they got through together …
Are increasing throughout,
The time I walk through,
Alone without you …