Iron Grip Of Past

DARREN : i tried to b happy with my life...believe me, i did, after goin thru so much sadness n sorrow...but i juz cant seem to, even if i ignore pp'l judgement and reflets of my past, i would eventually fall back into my haunting pasts, bcuz my life have been that way ...

happiness ...

a word of million desires...

an emotion ,

i could not achieve ,

efforts went to waste ...

spirited away ,

attached itself to the wind ...

the remaining pieces ,

of my hardened heart ,

sadness , sorrow , wasted desires ..

chained me ...

an iron grip of the past ...

judgement of the sinful eyes of the world ,

ignorance was wishful thinking ,

the death grip ,

denies my movement ,

couldn't move forward ...

trapped in my own past ...

trapped ..

The way of life ,

which i did not choose...

which was casted upon me ...

Conscious Guilt

The fear within me ,

Consumes my conscious ...

What could have been done ...

Which I failed to do so ,

Blamed by you ...

Fingers pointed at me ,

Without any realization ,

Without warning ,

Words shot upon me ...

Cold ,

Stone cold ...

As you spat your venomous words..

Still burns my conscious ..

Tears rolled down your cheeks ..

Rose and flushed ..

As you wept  ..

There I stood  ..

Unmoved by your effort ..

Sinful ,dark and cold eyes  ..

I must have had ..

Hearing your acidic verbal assaults ...

Wondering ..

If I was a low life ,

As what you told me  ,

What could I've done  ,

Why couldn't I move on ,

From those poisonous words ,

Truth to be told..

You did felt the pain..

I did became the cause..

Could I have changed it ?

Wandering Soul

Freedom...

Chains constrained me ,

No longer around me ...

Down I look ,

Drowning in the middle ,

Of a crimson red fluid ...

The form of an unknown ...

The scent of a burnt flesh ...

Middle of a war ground ...

The unfamiliar flag-holder ,

Firing away...

I ,unscathed by the soaring bullets,

Lancinating through my body,

There I stood...

As I look around...

This putrid soil..

I stand among few others,

Pale wanderers ,

I turned around,

Facing a rather familiar flag ..

The soaring bullet found its destination ..

Planting itself on him,

The soldier ..

As he falls..

On this putrid soil..

The moonlight shining upon his falling figure..

Is he dead....?

I wondered ... 

As he fell on the ground ,

I look in disbelief ...

As he stood up..

Howling in pain ...

He rose from the ground ..

Leaving his figure deferred ,

On the ground it laid ..

Middle of the familiar crimson red liquid ..

Pool of blood ..

I swift my eyes ,

I look back on my feet ,

The isolated figure ..

My isolated figure ...

As everything had made sense ...

I looked at the others in disbelief ..

To meet their confused stare ,

Stares of a man in need ..

Of answers ... 

Answer I knew ..

Answer I wished to be unreal ..

As I .. 

A wondering soul myself ,

Stood in the middle of this battleground ...

Deferred in time and space ..

Sacrificed for a flag 

A flag I died to rescue ...

Washed Away

All these time,
Conversation we shared ..
Resolution was our purpose,
For the comfort
Between you and I
Washed away
By your cold words
My mistake
Underestimating your ways
Here i stand
For no particular reasons
And wait here in this peaceful silence
For your emotions
Reach out to memy isolated being
Stranded in this darkness
Wisps floating surrounding me
Am i dreaming ?
Stranded,
Standing among these wisps ...
Waiting for comfort ,
Where do we stand ...
Happiness came with the tide ...
Went away with the wind ...

New Pic

Seal It With A Kiss

Pleasant memories,

Those beautiful eyes,

Glimmering gaze,

It looks deep into my soul ..

Reminding me,

The faithful night .

The lone star twilight,

Under the crescent moonlight,

The promise WE made ,

The oath we shared ..

The overwhelming emotions..

Faithful words,

That bind our soul ..

"never leave my side?"

'Yes , my love..'

'I shall never leave your side..'

'For without you , i will cease to exist..'

Her tearful eyes ...

Her promising tender lips ..

"Seal our oath with a kiss? "

She muttered ...

Ever so gently ...

The sight of her blushing soft cheeks ,

Her beauty which defies the law of nature ...

As the seal was intact ..

As we shared our kiss ,

As our honest lips touched ,

As our undying love,

Flowed through our kiss ..

I looked at her glimmering eyes ..

I knew she is the one ...

The one and only ..

My Juliet ..

Suppress

Pretend ..

The hidden feelings,

You share for me,

The warmth of your presence,

Cruel girl...

You casted this curse ,

Upon me...

Mercilessly...

Cold-heart..

And left me to suffer..

The harder i try,

The more you deny...

I love you,

I said...

You hate me,

You reply ..

But still you share a warm and gently kiss,

Melting my soul..

Holding on to me..

And yet...

Denying your true feelings...

Do i deserve this torture ?

All that remains for me,

Are these feelings i suppressed ,

Feelings that are denied ...

dance like only we could ...

My solitude

Broken into..
The walls I built..
To shield away my emotions..
Flowing away from me..
Mistakes..
You'll never realize,
The pain ...
The confusion ...
You caused my soul to wonder,
Without a home to return,
So here I am...
Building a wall...
Again to be senselessly broken,
By your words ,
Without any assurance,
Its never the same,
Compare...
All you can do is compare,
Its hurtful properties ,
Nevertheless ...
Walls i build ,
For my existence to live within ,
My own world ,
My solitude ..

DARREN TRIBUTE

poetic version :
a failure,
its all we'll all be,
in the eyes of the world...
they never will realize ,
we are free from chains of burdens...
choices are made without regression...
while the others suffer...
bind by the chain of conscious,
the more burdens they carry,
the more worthless they become..
the illusion they feed on ...
for their own satisfaction,
a process called self retardation ..


original :
some people think that people like us are failures...
what they don't know...
that we can do anything we want...
and they can't...
a bunch of bastards they become...
because of self praising and selfishness...
a process of self retardation ...

Just me

meaning remains same ...
i still am ..
was and will be ..
the boy who who had it all ,
and missed everything ..
with a blink of an eye ...
and took the wrong path...
to learn about life...
and get back to the right path...
but memories remains...
those words ...
drew everything out of me...
my poetic visions..
my rebellious thoughts...
my peaceful mind..
haiz ...
this isn't a poem ..
this is just who i am ...
and what i feel ...

SCRIPTED

scripted ..

for me to learn?

for me to to understand..

for me to make no more mistake?

present ..

is how it was scripted..

hope is all i have ..

blossomed from you ..

withering ..

caused by you ..

you should have been the one..

for me to believe in ..

break my walls ..

rule my world ...

but scripted ..

its all still there ..

how its going to be ..

a future ...

neither you or me can alter ??

pain is all left in this script ..

Beauty Of The Moonlight

The night sky ,

Devours the sadness...

Crawling inside her thoughts..

What she are ,

What she have become,

What does she desire,

Leave out all the thoughts ,

And let her soul be free..

Have a simple dose of wine,

Under the calm night sky,

Melodic music playing,

Her soul soaring through the darkness..

All that's remain in her thoughts are,

Peace and freedom,

Moonlight shinning brightly,

On her tanned skin,

Walking on the sands,

Of the bay on Guantanamo..

I sat my eyes on this magnificent creature..

As pure as her soul is,

As lonely ad i was,

There she stood ..

Her sight captured my eyes,

As I stood there looking at her glimmering figure..

I thought to myself,

What a beauty of the night..

"A beauty of the moonlight"

When you were gone

Tainted soul,
Denied love,
Oo you feel the pain,
I endured all ,
For the only prized possession,
For a loved heart,
You gave me everything,
You taught me to care,
You taught me to love,
But why,
Why did you build the wall,
The wall that separates me from you,
The wall that seperates my world from your heaven,
All thats left is my memories ,
And what was taken away from me ,
Traces of love,
Particles attached to the walls of my heart,
All that belongs to me is this ..
You went away,
Leaving a tattered soul,
To die on the pavement ..

WHY?

lyrics :
where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Break your Heart - Official Video [ Taio Cruz Ft. Ludacris ]

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AWAKE [2005] AND TWIST IN MY STORY [2008]

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Love

c[///_=]c

EXCRUCIATING PAIN

this wasn't my intention

not to play with fire

they would say

why didn't i listen?

 

"EXCRUCIATING PAIN" 

~pain i suffered~

The same pain i lived through,

That faithful day,

Where it all began,

How i was broken to pieces,

How i was abandoned,

I'm not abandoned now,

But why ,

The sorrow and memories,

Haunting me,

I tried to run ..

I tried to hide..

I tried to turn and face the reality..

The fact still remains the same..

Reality brings nothing more then pain..

Relive your past ..

A tale told by a fool..

~Happiness never last long ... do they?~

ENCHANTED ~ 50th poem ...

LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM ?

 

CARE FOR ME ?

~ i knew you could see through me ~

~ i maybe a stranger to you ~

~ but please don't deny ~

~ don't live in denial ~

~ you never understood how beautiful you are ~

~ the purest morning dew ~

~ the clearest night sky ~

~ the finest wine in the world ~

~ the loveliest flower in the universe ~

I fell once again

I fell enchanted

I fell gracefully

For your intoxicating scent

Your glimmering pure skin

Your soft and gentle touch

Your twilight moon eyes

Emotions 

Feelings

Love

Like

Care

Affection

Your purest intentions

I'm yours 

Forever and always ...?

YOUR LAMENESS

so ... if the king of a country is 'your highness" .. what do you call a king of porno ? "your hardness?"

Twilight memories

"how do you simply ask of us to delete or execute something that runs within our blood ?"

wee are one...

with our blood..

the words carved deep on my wrist..

are the symbol of you..

slicing through my heart..

and leaving a untreatable wound..

bleeding for an eternity..

i may run out of blood..

and i may run out of breath ..

but how can i run out of your love..

for it stays deep in memories..

all the memories ..

you and i ..

under the dark peaceful sky...

shinning bright stars..

loving eyes of yours..

memories ...

"how do you ask of us to discard people who are carved deeply in our soul ?"

Walls and breath

suffocating ..

the responsible casted upon me..

without understanding my feelings..

i am complicated myself..

entangled emotions..

i need time ..

straighten my path..

but desperate time..

the spotlight on me..

i had to make a move..

please let me breathe..

i need her in my life..

and yet i want her in my life too..

i have my love in stake..

for my emotions to run wild..

not worth the uneasiness..

need time to breathe..

never want to see you cry..

never want to tell a lie..

i love you ..

i like you..

no one understands ...

darren tribute - a poem

poetic version :
a failure,
its all we'll all be,
in the eyes of the world...
they never will realize ,
we are free from chains of burdens...
choices are made without regression...
while the others suffer...
bind by the chain of conscious,
the more burdens they carry,
the more worthless they become..
the illusion they feed on ...
for their own satisfaction,
a process called self retardation ..


original :
some people think that people like us are failures...
what they don't know...
that we can do anything we want...
and they can't...
a bunch of bastards they become...
because of self praising and selfishness...
a process of self retardation ...

P.O.V - Point Of View

*P.O.V*

no one sees in the male's point of view ..

we are forever assholes for simply no reasons at all ...

cause we are emotionless ...

while the females are full of emotions ...

the world points finger at the male ...

indicating its his fault ...

ripping on him on how he never tried and how heartless he is ...

soon you'll feel much better ...

and point finger at me too ...

it ought to happen ...

I'll smile and say goodbye forever to the world and you ...

for i am invisible to you from now on ...

a creature ...

a creep ..

that's all I'm now ...

 forever and ever ...

peaceful twilight night

the large ocean,

concealed with the pain ,

a world in tears ,

I'm alone ,

floating all alone,

starring at the dark sky,

i feel peace,

its calm and beautiful,

the stars are glimmering,

high above the sky,

i want to hold the stars ,

my raw flesh burning;

the pain reassembles freedom,

captured by it's own fate,

blinded its own destiny,

I'm floating on this ocean,

of tears and sorrow,

i will now drown,

i will find shore,

this is my destiny ...

Invisible

I'll be invisible ... 

blend with the darkness..

creeping within me ... 

a creature of the night ...

that's all I'll ever will be ...

from now on ....

I'll be invisible to you...

no more dead butterflies...

no more emotional distress...

I'm not happy...

yet I'm not sad ..

the world would be your strength...

it never see the effort...

a male put in...

the ways he tries to make things better...

the world blames the male...

never try enough ...

"NEVER"

?? 

that is not the question...

but who would know...

I'm not offended...

I'll stay in the darkness..

where i belong..

wanted to cross to the bright world..

but it was known to every soul..

"TABOO"

that's what it was ...

I'll be invisible to the world ...

VISIBLE SCARS

World’s eyes,

Never listen to them..

Never love to trust..

Never trust to love ..

For love is an illusion..

To trap your heart..

And a simple piece of stone..

Destroys your peace..

And crushes your soul..

Broken pieces of mirror..

You can mend it..

But the scars remain …

Can’t be hidden..

Always visible ..

Always will hurt …

~ emonation ~

EMOTIONLESS SPECIES

Words that would kill me,

I would die before I say,

But I had to stay strong,

The world thinks the other way,

Woman is never wrong,

Won’t look over the curtains...

I’m to blame,

Just like how it always been,

I don’t like it,

But it’s how it had to be,

Someday it would make sense,

I’m not worth the pain...

Cause this is who I'll be,

A stone cold emotionless male species ,

To the world ...

How To Train Your Dragon Widget

The Story Of The Moth

a moth,
not fit to be anywhere,
can't be understood,
won't be understood ,
because of all the friction,
between the thoughts,
couldn't fly higher,
couldn't spread its wings,
without hesitation,
"ugly wings"
they say ...
why?
it asked its maker...
he gave the little ugly moth a reply,
one word revolution,


"IGNORE"

he said ,
why bother responding?
all the world does,
humiliate you ..
insulting you ..
there are beauty within you,
you get it,
you understand...
its enough to get you through ..
all you have ,
2 weeks of life,
death will not disappoint you ,


the maker's words were such a serenade for the moth's ears ...
he knew someday he'll find peace...
so he spread his wings wings ,
proudly ...

and flew away ....

Mask of illusion

A mask you wear,
it hurts the most,
a mask full of unreality,
fake emotions everywhere,
"do you find it interesting?"
pulling me into your world,
and discarding me away,
its a routine,
i fool i am ,
failure who can't forget,
can't forgive the cracks in my own world ..
there used to be more to you,
all that's left is uncertainty..
do i get to blame?
or do i suffer ,
bury all deep withing my tattered heart..
that's all left in my soul,
emotions ...
there are solutions?
are there any reality?
is this me ?

RESOLUTION for PEACE

" tears rolls down like razor blade,
  no its not yours to blame,
  its me..
  or is it you ...? "

every second in my past,
every moments in my present,
every day in my future,
predictable?

"i'll breathe till my last moment"

 thats all i can say,
not predictable at all,
but tears never lie,
indications of sorrow,
predicts brighter future
or the merciless sorrow,
flowing your tired pale skin.
tired of living,
afraid of emotions ,
love is no longer a solution ...
it is the source of the torture
the only resolution

"BLEED"

for every memories ,
for every moments scarred me,
worth nothing but my blood,
warm stream,
red river,
bleed till my tears run out,
bleed till you feel lighter,
no remorse..
no love..
i'm just someone who deserves it,
just like someone,
death welcomes us to eternal peace ...

DISTRESS FEELING

this feeling ....

excruciating displeasure i feel ..

the torturing truth it brings,

feeding on my misery,

fueling on my darkness,

deceived by the fade,

the illusions ..

what everyone would kill to gain,

something I'd kill to loose,

why do you indicate ,

the dark fate stalking me,

let me live in denial ..

never show me ..

i want to feel emotions ,

i don't want to be emotionless,

till the day i die,

the best memories i had,

locked away,

the distress it gives ,

I just want to die,

to lie on the bed of eternal sleep,

I don't want to feel this anymore,

no more pain,

no more suffering,

no more hope,

no more love ,

no more ..

NO MORE ....

Ignored - emonation

Ignored

Bricks by bricks …

Building hope and trust ..

Within you …

Promises after promises ..

I made to build trust..

Broken down..

Ignored ..

By the one who gave me hope to change..

I deserve it ..

No one could read what runs on my mind

Then can interpret …

All they can do is interpret…

I want to change ..

For the better …

But its no longer about me is it …

rectitude is something no one would believe ..

I made it this way…

misstep .. simple misstep was all I needed …

no one understands ..

I can’t blame anyone for what I became ..

An emotionless traveler …

All I am is not worth anything ..

All I am is ..

IGNORED …

200 HITS !!

2OO FRIENDS !!! WHOOOO !!

EMOTIONLESS

all i ever do is a mistake to you ,
how can someone be this blur ,
not bothered ?
such a wonderful expression..
did i never ask you what you want?
did you ever opened up to me?
did you ever thought of your mistakes?
did you ever asked me what is bothering me ?
i know i did ...
did i ever told you what i dislike?
did i ever not try to make you happy?
did i ever told you i'm hurting because of you?
did you ever tried to think what is the source of the "mistakes" i make?
im the one to blame?
im the one to be ignored ?
once there were love and friendship between us,
friendship vanished long time ago,
love fading away day by day ...
you canstart a conversation with anyone,
but you can't talk with me ?
what am i? an emotionless container?
maybe i was , mabe i changed,
not for better ,
i see that now ...
emotionless creep is all i'll ever be..
i tolerated a lot of major issues..
you couldn't tolerate a small crack in the mirror?
i'm not comparing ...
i'm stating the fact ....
if this isn't clear ...
HAIZ ... that's all i can say ...
how you make me happy and frustrated at the same time...
EMOTIONLESS

Quotes of the week

Didn't Even Thought Of Exploring The World Behind My Wall ? ... Won't YOU Take A Look ...? Maybe YOU'LL Understand Someday ... I'll Take The Blame For Now ....

遗憾 ...沉默...黑暗...无情...这就是我...以为我能微笑 ...我想你已证明我错了... (... Silent ... Dark ... Emotionless ... This Is Who I Am ... Thought I Could Smile Without Regret ... I Guess I'm Proven Wrong ... )

 

 

humanoid = NOVIN ( human + paranoid )

 

THE INVISIBLE WALL

click on the picture for larger image

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe

No human is the same as ME!: ONE tribe


CHECH IT OUT .... Xbangga !!

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