Untitled Letter to whomever reading this

Hey...
It's been so long since I posted anything.
How have you been ? 
Have you been busy ?
I do hope you are taking care of yourself.

Personal wellbeing is important, so please take some time to stop and breathe.

Breathing is important.

I've been on a downwards spiral.

Nothing is ever what it seems.

Therapy doesn't seem to be helping either.

Maybe it's just one of those "It is what it is" situation.

Been on antidepressants on and off.

That's probably not a good thing.

Life ... is not what I thought it would be.

I missed out on living my best life trying to hustle.

I missed out on a love that I no longer know if I ruined or ...

I missed out on memories that should have been fond to look back at.

I missed out on cherishing things that were in front of me..

All while I was chasing a dragon...that didn't exist.

Not for me at least.

And now I'm back in this place..

A place I never wanted to revisit.

This place I have been trying so hard to run away from..

A short story, if you don't mind. 

I honestly thought I did what was right at that moment.
I honestly wanted to believe that "Love" conquered all. 

But it seems like people just want to use my kindness and throw me away when they no longer find me useful. 
Maybe I'm wrong and this whole situation is just me trying to console myself.
Maybe I am this evil mastermind everyone is making me out to be.

Maybe I lack self awareness.

I don't know anymore. 
All I know is that it hurts to breathe.
All I know is that it hurts to smile.
All I know is that it hurts to remember.
All I know is that it hurts to just live.
All I know is that it hurts.
The last 5 years ... has been rather tiring. 
So much so that I'm not looking forward to the next 5 years.
What value do I have at this point?
What value do I add to anyone's life?
I should just ... isolate myself, not to hurt anyone anymore.
I can't do this anymore. 

Thanks for listening...whoever you are.

With love and regards,
Logen